Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have aggressive nipples.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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