hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
