I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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