ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
