Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
