we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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