What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
