wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
