lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
