so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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