i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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