Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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