I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
