I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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