It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
