Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she woke up with a sticky ear
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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