You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
