Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
