I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
