Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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