Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Fuck appropriateness.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
