Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
