my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
