I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize