I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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