I must be too annoying 4 u.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
