whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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