Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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