its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
