your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
