Define "chronic" masturbator.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
