I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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