He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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