i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
