I'm going to jail i love you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
