At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
