is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
