she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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