i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
