If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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