I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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