worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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