16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
