they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
