just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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