she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
