i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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