if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
