dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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