I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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