I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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