my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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