o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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