I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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