He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
