I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
