He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
