If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize