Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
