O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize