Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
