The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you.
Bad choice
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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