If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
